Saturday, October 20, 2012

Two'sday

Spirit of this prose "Susan's House" by Eels (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lC3MH-U6yDk)


I got up late, lazily letting time go by till I was late for a train to Leiden. Usually I tend to act out the procedure of buying a discounted ticket (40% off) which requires "teaming up" with a local who holds a card that enabled a friend's-discount. It is a reasonable chance I'd find such a blessed stranger while waiting for the train. Finally I see which platform I need to run to but I missed the train by 12 seconds. Another person who ran to that platform went rushing for another. Trusting he might pursue a similar destination, I follow his running. The train is departing just about NOW. I've missed the "while waiting for the train" phase but taking my chances anyway.
I ask passengers if I could tag along their journey but they're either not destined as far as Leiden or not capable of enabling a discount. As the coaches are uncomfortably packed with passengers, I only ask people at the spaces between the carriages. A woman comes to the passage coughing. I ask if she could help me. She nods her head and coughs some more. "Perhaps it is I who can help you. Water?" I offer and let her my bottle. At least some good was benefited by my approaching people.
I feel lost. What happens if i get caught? How humiliating and painfully expensive it might be. I should have just paid the full-fare rather than be haunted with anxiety and guilt of putting myself in this situation.
It seems I probably avoided the control once by switching between the two floors. The stress messes with my mind. I yield. I sit down and let any controller have me. Time for me to learn a lesson. I get everything for free anyways (movies, music, programs), it's about time I pay for my usage of services. LET THEM COME!

A controller passes next to me and walks on.



Leiden is sweet. pretty, peaceful, slow. I meet Roni and Manon. Taking a break from their gallery I walk around a little bit, to see the town and smoke a joint. Roni says it is illegal, "because of the new law". Cautiously, I roll one near a gorgeous cathedral and the authorities-phobia charges me again. This is not what Holland should mean!


Earlier today Nathalie asked if I am to show up at the weekly ping pong night at OverToom301 ex-squat. I grant that I shall and she admits to come as well. A few good hours into the evening, still in Leiden, I eventually SMS that I will not make it. She updates me she's also waiving the night.
What purpose was it intended to serve, declaring and assuring at first we'd go there?


After a most lovely evening with the couple, being presented to art, educated about fine music and talking about love and life, Roni and Manon drop me back at the train. This time I get the fully priced ticket.
Night time, alone in the train, listening to music via the radio of my simple phone.
Pressure to be productive. "Read that book you're delaying with" stresses a thought in my head, "use the time". I never get to fully enjoy listening to music anymore. I choose to be with it, and not having the music once again serving as a background dish for some main activity. 
A great tune is on. How could I ever get this track? Surely a trained Buddhist would be able to enjoy this one time listening to it but I am possessive, and possessed by the will to be able to recapture this joy. No title is given for it. Does GOOGLE really know everything? Would it find a track that was played on 104.40mhz at 1:50am? I used to use a forum to identify songs according to lyrics, but this one has no lyrics. 
Once, back in a pub in Cape Town  I asked some guy about a song that was being played so he checked through some App on his smartphone and approved it was the band I guessed it was. How could they have already developed an app that detects the room's music and matches its title? How does the algorithm work? Who prepared the database?! It drives me crazy sometimes I have no clue how this world is being managed by these invisible forces which keep it going to new stages.
I tried to remember now which song it was back then. Then the following song, on the radio, was the same song I heard that Cape Town night!!

2am. Amsterdam Central's such a big station and the exits are closed except for the one on the far end. That means I'd have to go all the way back to this side where i got off the train from to fetch my bicycle. One could be pissed off about it, or sink into observing the city with joy. Easing in, I find myself spectating the central station's magnificent architecture. I notice new ornaments built into it, new to my own attention. Across the street is the marvelous Victoria Hotel.
The voice has changed, more calm and reassuring: "Enjoy the city for what it is, like listening to music rather than putting it in the back".
I love this Amsterdam, it holds so much grace.

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