Friday, January 18, 2013

Eternal sunshine of the pot-head mind

December. I moved to the cozy studio apartment. A fresh beginning of being happily locked for a month, being busy with my supposed Munchies at Tiffany's period. It was meant to be dedicated to writing the story of my former love.
I had to re-motivate my writing process by buying a new typewriter (laptop). Rather than sorting it out on the first week, it was pushed (I pushed it) to the second week. Yet, I have accomplished setting up a chill-out mattress zone next to the radiator and have placed my selected printed photos of South Africa on the wall.
The rest of the week = the weekend, was a Thursday-to-Sunday hang out time. Very much fun, Very not productive.
Sometimes it strikes me I am immobile. I can only move by being moved. I had to use Nat to get me going on searching for laptops. She's a student (thus laptops-oriented), she knows Dutch and she's a friend. She's also a girl so I wished her advice about cloths. We met at the city center and headed to the Spui. At the square we saw a bunch of colorfully dressed youngsters waiting for a sign to go applauding and cheering and jumping as a person comes out of a booth that said "TELEPORTER" on it. I was ardent and took a shot of it.
A few hours later, after having been at the American Book Center, several computer shops on Centuirbaan and one pizza place on the way home, I realized I do not have my camera as I spotted a building i wanted to photograph for being well lit and decorated for Xmas.

How could I have been so lame? Am I smoking up too much lately? I always smoke and I never lose anything. It's that Teleporter, shifted my camera.

Back at the studio we smoke a bit and check online for laptops. so many questions i do not know to weigh: Should I buy online or go to a store? which store? which kind of laptop? If to order it online - which website? a local Dutch one or a cheaper one abroad?
It is questions like that, rather than smoking pot, that burn my brain.
We focused on two items (mainly one) online and called it a night with movie&popcorn.

The next day I go back to the American Book store but did not find my camera. Almost lost on top of it a glove I just bought the other day since I lost my right hand glove recently.
An officer at the police station guided me to seek at the Lost & Found , and there I was told I do not need to come in, just to phone and ask if the model of my camera was received. I am not even sure which manufacturer my digicam was. I withdraw and go back home. The more I try to hold on the hope it will be returned, the more I linger in the loss.
I was expecting my friend or my CouchSurfing guest would come but I am home alone. The only plan I had was to view laptops online and go to see a free movie screening. The laptop I want is not delivered to The Netherlands.
I use the time to wash my cloths. The machine breaks down in the middle of my laundry and it is all soaked. I try to squeeze it and dry it somehow. I am already about to be late for a film screening, I just wanna get to my bike and leave this day behind me. As I reach my bike I find that my notebook dropped out of it. I go back up and find it. I am definitely late now and do not even feel like going to the movie. This day has made its point - just stay home and do nothing but letting it end.

Before I bunker myself in the studio room, I go to buy Chocomel. Even the cheap supermarket is closed one should not despair. I find an AH that's opened and even get to serve as "hero of the moment" when I allow a couple of shoppers in front of me to use my AH bonus card to get a discount for some of their products. It was a good timing in a good placing and I was happy my presence fulfilled some effect that helped another soul.

It is not my photos I lost, it is the center of my attention.
It is not the notebook nor the glove, it is me who is lost and need to be found.
It is not the the washing machine that got stuck, it is me who broke down.
My life, at this point, feels forgotten and hidden.
But like the Chocomel sweetening up the mood - I do not despair yet!

I must look at the good things I have
enough money to buy food at the AH
friends who make me feel belonging
cloths to wear so I can be warmed and look decent.
Why is it never enough?

___
Nat helped me as a friend would. She came over at night. We talked about my darkness, we eased it up with 3 joints and have accomplished ordering a sufficiently exciting choice of a laptop from Amazon.de.
We shared beautiful moments and revealed gratitude.
The next morning I had work for a day.
The tide is changing. fresh water will redeem the mind from the weed that grew there unattended.

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